Ok, guilty as charged. I've passed on my share of gallows humor. Having worked in the police and fire service for 16 years, I have had bizarre days/nights and calls. What do you say about the guy who calls 911 for an ambulance at 3:30 in the morning for a toothache? Or what can you say about the guy who drives away from the hit-and-run and leaves his license plate at the crime scene? Or worse yet, what about the guy who tries to shoot himself in the head…. but misses?

Black humor, better known as gallows humor, seems to be standard practice for those of us who work as first responders. According to Dartmouth Medicine Magazine, a survey of EMTs/paramedics found that 90% admitted to using gallows humor. Gallows humor is a witticism in the face of death, destruction, or other perceived major life stressors. And as anyone in emergency services knows, most calls to 911 for service are an emergency for the caller, no matter how asinine we know they are. And our humor in the face of horror/emergency helps us put these events into perspective.

As first responders, we not only see the horror of life firsthand, but we also see the absurdity of what some people do with their lives. In this, our empathy is stretched to the limits. It is commonly taught by senior members to newbies that what we say among ourselves in the rig or back at the firehouse should never be told to the patient, family members, or bystanders. But in our mishandling of our words, there have been many a first responder who has lost their job and loved careers because they said the wrong thing in front of the wrong person.

But as a chaplain, I have been wondering if gallows’ humor is even right for me. In the fire service, gallows humor among the staff tends to build a bond among the responders. A bond that is needed as an effective chaplain. One that says that I am allowed to be one of the gang. First responders also use gallows humor as a psychological pressure relief valve or a way to handle the stress of the job that is increasingly more difficult as our society grows. And it gives us a sense of power in an otherwise powerless situation. And as a chaplain who sees the horror of life, sometimes that pressure relief valve can be mighty welcoming.

But let's be real about it. Gallows humor is judgmental, demeaning, dehumanizes, belittles, and objectifies people already in vulnerable positions and situations. And if I am a man of integrity, shouldn't what I say in front of my fire guys be the same thing I can say in front of the patients and their families…and my God? Shouldn't I be the caring person, no matter how stupid I see the call?

What we are talking about, ultimately, is how we handle stress. If we didn't handle the stress of this job, we would all have very short careers or wind up in the hospital's psychiatric wing. If we don't find a way to cope with all the vicarious traumatization that we experience, then it will stay bottled up in us until it comes out inappropriately. One of the more common ways of handling stress is through sharing gallows humor.

Remember, as I write this, the only one I can really point my finger at is me. I know that in my weakness (lack of sleep) more people look like idiots and are prone to my gallows humor. I also know that gallows humor is here to stay in the fire service. In fact, I know that if I tried to squelch it among my fireguys, I would probably come across as a prude, and that would be the end of my connection with my firefighters. But how far can and should I go as a chaplain?

It is said that the opposite of judgment is compassion. In the gospels, we see that Jesus expressed compassion for those sick and hurting or without a leader. We never saw Him mock the crowds but instead have great compassion on them. I realize that humor must be part of every believer's life. But humor at the expense of those we minister to doesn't seem right. It doesn't show integrity.

But what do we do with the stress of the call? Jesus found time to get away and spend it in prayer, talking with Father God. While this may not always be an option for hurried first responders, I believe it is a model to shoot for. The stresses of this job will tend to suck the life out of you. But as a chaplain, I know I must follow and demonstrate a different model for stress relief. So, how will I handle it when those around me start talking in gallows humor? Well, I hope I will give them all the grace I need.