The press release from the CDC was heartbreaking the other day. More than 140,000 children have lost one or both parents to COVID in the United States. For some of these children, they have now become wards of the state. The question is, as a chaplain, at what ages can a child comprehend death, and how do you approach a child?

For me, the first time I gave a death notification to a child was the death of a 30-something male in his home. The call came out early on a Saturday morning. The only one who was there was the grandfather, who asked me if I would talk with the two young sons. I met them in the adjoining room.

Here is some advice.

1. While they may want to see their parent, they may not be able to. They will most likely not understand why not. We all understand that as soon as the medical interventions are done, then comes the investigation. Until that is completed, nobody should be touching the body or unnecessarily entering the scene. Kids may not understand this. All they know is that you are keeping them away from their parent. When it is a suspected COVID case, we also deal with a possible contamination scene. It may be easier at this point to enlist the help of any adult authority in their life.

2. Different cultures have different views/understandings of death. Sometimes, young people have been introduced to the concept of death through the loss of a beloved pet or grandparent. But sometimes, these cultural worldviews are not passed down, confusing the child. Finding the right language is important. One wants to be compassionate but not confusing. Saying that their parent "passed on," "is asleep," or even "Jesus took them" will, at best, confuse them or, at worst, turn them off to God.

3. Religious concepts and theologies can be very confusing for children. At this point, they need to be cared for. One must be aware of the family’s faith background in all situations. Just as it is when working with adults from another faith background, the chaplain may need to reach out to someone from the other faith tradition for help.

4. Children at different ages and developmental stages have a different understanding of death. You need to approach each stage differently. Usually, a child under the age of three will have no concept of death. They realize that a loved member of the family is no longer there. By age 7, a young child may understand some concept of death but may not understand that it is permanent. Usually, after the age of 12, a child will be able to form a concept of death. How a chaplain initially helps a child can significantly impact how they handle grief and loss.

While it's easy for emergency services folks to ignore children during the high energy of the rescue, it is good not to neglect the children after the excitement of the call. If your protocols allow the chaplain to do the death notification, you can do this with great care and compassion. If the children have been in the area, they will already know something has happened.

https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2021/p1007-covid-19-orphaned-children.html