When I was running 911 calls on a regular basis, we learned to dread calls from certain addresses. We wanted to help, but we knew the person on the other end of the call and had a good idea of how it would probably go. I’m sure all of you who run 911 calls remember calls like that right now. But kudos to my crew (and yours, too, I’m sure) for always responding with professionalism.

Most of the people I deal with as a chaplain are quite pleasant. But others push my buttons. You know the type. You may have been thinking of them just a minute ago. Some may be patients at a medical scene or members of their families. Others could be among the first responders we serve.

In the New England Journal of Medicine article Taking Care of the Hateful Patient, Dr. James E. Groves writes about the types of people physicians most dread… dependent clingers, entitled demanders, manipulative help-rejecters, and self-destructive deniers. Chaplains might make the same list.

Dependent Clingers

Chaplains and anyone in ministry deal with the dependent clingers. They always want your help. They tend to take an excessive amount of your time and energy. And as Dr. Grove says, they tend to evoke aversion on our part. This can be challenging for someone called to bring a compassionate face to the mission of their department. Ultimately, their care requires us to set boundaries to protect ourselves and our personal lives. Without those boundaries, they will zap all that is good within you.

Entitled Demanders

Entitled demanders expect you to do things for them their way right now. Sometimes, they justify demands by insisting, “I pay my taxes.” Dr. Grove says they tend to evoke a wish to counterattack. Counterattack is never an acceptable option, but we can set some limits. Being taxpayers doesn’t give them the right to be rude to you and the people of your department. I have found speaking in a calm voice and explaining what we can and cannot do tends to help immensely. Don’t get angry. If you can, empower them to get the answers or services they seek. Sometimes you may need to walk away from the entitled demander and let someone higher up the chain of command handle the situation.

Manipulative Help-Rejecters

Manipulative help-rejecters tend to evoke depression in us by sharing their pessimism. They don’t want the help you can give. They may not want help at all. They just like bringing us to their pity party. As a chaplain, I look for creative ways to collaborate to find solutions. Try to get them involved with the solution. Ultimately, don’t let yourself get caught in their trap.

Self-Destructive Deniers

I tend to deal with these a lot as a chaplain. They chose to live a self-destructive lifestyle but refuse to acknowledge it as the source of their other problems. They tend to point fingers at everyone else besides themselves. I have found that dealing with them takes lots of time and a trusted relationship. As they trust you more, they will allow you to talk about the full range of issues in their life, including the ones they have brought on themselves.

I have found that as a chaplain, the greatest thing I can bring to people who fit into these categories is grace. I have found a bit of myself in all four of these people, and I’m very appreciative of the grace that has been given to me.